One Year Ago

february 11, 2010 was one of the most difficult days i have had in my life.

i found out that i was not pregnant.

jay and i knew before we got married that in order to add children to our family we would have to do ivf, in vitro fertilization. we went through a series of tests and more tests and i was put on hormones to control my cycles. i was at the doctor weekly and then daily for blood draws. the egg harvest went well and we had 7 embryos fertilize. two of those made it to the blast stage and were transferred into my uterus. we prayed for heavenly fathers will to be done. we prayed that we would accept the outcome either way. but when i received that phone call, that negative result crushed me. i couldn't control my tears. the following days were a blur. i would pull myself together for the girls and then come unglued when i was alone at home.

this year i have been trying to learn why we had to go through this. i never used to think twice about infertility. did you know that 6,000,000 women deal with infertility? i didn't. i have a much greater respect for those women. every day i am reminded of how blessed i am to already have 3 of heavenly father's children entrusted to my care.

i know that heavenly father heard our prayers. i know that he will answer our prayers. if you are struggling with infertility or know someone who is, pray! our savior has felt all of our pains and he wants to help us get through them. heavenly father will hear your prays and will send his spirit to comfort you when you need it. please know that i love you. and that my heart aches with you and longs to rejoice with you.